Thankful for...
~a beautiful Saturday for my beautiful daughter to receive Our Beautiful Lord in the Eucharist for the first time!
~ that a child who was sick quickly recovered as if nothing had happened.
In the schoolroom...
~we are trying to start back after some time off. Several children are getting started with Seton this week. It's been rough today, especially after too little sleep on my part and a scare that everyone was going to be sick all week. Now if only I could get these girls to stooooooop taaaaaaallllllkkkkkiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg ..... and then there is poor bored Jeffrey...
Praying...
~for my brother as he looks for a job
~for all the children who received their First Holy Communion this weekend, and their families
Pondering...
~whether I need to hire a professional organizer. I'm totally at a standstill about how to put away what we have left after years of decluttering. I don't see how we can get rid of much more while still living and homeschooling, yet so many things don't have a good home and the house always looks like a bomb hit it. Especially the kitchen. And when I *start* to try and get things put away, I get paralyzed, randomly do a few things and give up. I think I need help. I think part of the reason I don't want to clean it up and don't want to hire someone to organize it, is that I still want to move and can't seem to drop that dream. I don't *want* to be here. *sticks out tongue at life* So mature, I know. It doesn't help that a house I really like is back on the market. It belonged to friends of ours years ago. I know the house and know it works with a big family. I love love love the sunroom and kitchen. More room, places to go while working that are far from other people making noise.The bigger fenced backyard with room for a bigger garden. We can afford it...but then we can't afford high school (if kids want to go there) and maybe college will be more of a struggle. I don't care. I know, mature, right? :-P
Mourning...
~my last girl has had her First Holy Communion, and now her dress and veil hang on my closet door, never to be used again. I'm avoiding putting it away because I don't want to acknowledge that it is over. But I can't wait to buy a little suit for next time! :)
Kid funnies...
~Jane: School is like running on a treadmill. You work hard to stay on track, and if you get behind you have to work harder to get back where you need to be. But wait, you can't get ahead on a treadmill, so nevermind. School is more like being on an island that is slowly sinking." LOL! Not sure if that's a great analogy, but we all found it funny and truthful, at least the way today feels!
~Jeffrey (at a different time): I need a blow noser. (tissue)
Listening to...
The audio of this video while I do other things (like type this blog post) :) I'm trying to run the fine line in teaching evolution - getting the science right without throwing God out with the bathwater.
OK Seriously...
why won't these children STOP TALKING?? Nothing gets done. And my ears are bleeding.
Planning...
~orthodontist this week, 2 years and counting! I hope it's over soon (this is for me...we have other children in the pipeline)
~Batty's birthday on the 10th, Mother's Day, and then our anniversary! I hope we get to go out to eat.
Well, I need to run, sorry for this boring and pictureless post!
May 6, 2013
May 5, 2013
The Memory of Light
Did you know that Sarah Elwell has a new book of poetry and photography out? I keep wanting to capitalize the P in Poetry when writing about Sarah. :) She has such a way with words, never too many, never too few. And the pictures she paints with them? Just incredible. It's like she speaks to a place of memory inside myself that I didn't even know was there until she said it.
Her new book is called The Memory of Light and can be found here, with an updated version of her poetry book Otherwise also available.
Proceeds from the books will help her daughter compete nationally and internationally in her sport. I hear she too is awesome, and I think she needs this chance to show the world her stuff. :)
Her new book is called The Memory of Light and can be found here, with an updated version of her poetry book Otherwise also available.
Proceeds from the books will help her daughter compete nationally and internationally in her sport. I hear she too is awesome, and I think she needs this chance to show the world her stuff. :)
Apr 29, 2013
Some sort of random remembrance
'cause I can't seem to figure out how to fit into someone else's mold...
Thankful:
~for a great year of roller dancing/skating for the kids. This was our first year all five kids did it, and last weekend was the year end shows. They did great, and today we are happy to have nothing on the schedule so we can rest.
~great kids who held up well this weekend, considering the busy-ness and stress and one with a cold
~for my awesome dh who is so patient with me
~for Jesus in the Eucharist and my dd who will partake of the Feast for the first time soon.
Pondering:
~this documentary
~how I can maximize gardening potential on our half shady .18 acre lot, while still leaving space for kids to play. They don't go out *enough* - I can't take away their only running space.
~why I have such bad anxiety attacks on Sunday mornings, and what I can do about it
~why once I mentioned I wanted to write about giftedness, all the ideas about it left my head
~why I am so sensitive to the kids talking to me lately. The constant interruption of my thoughts is really getting to me, and it shouldn't
~how to best deal with some longstanding inter-child struggles
~how to change my love language, 'cause this one isn't working for me, lol
Learning:
~Sky finished Seton 7 last week, WOO HOO! She is relieved. Rose is half finishing up 9th grade and half moving on to the 10th grade stuff Seton helped work up for us. Hopefully in a week or two we can just dive right in to the new stuff whole heartedly. And my youngest will be in KINDERGARTEN!! How did this happen?
Reading:
~I'm leaping into this decade and finally reading the Hunger Games trilogy. I just watched the first movie on Netflix too. Now I am certainly no literary critic, but I expected more. I liked it in an "easy, candy" kind of way. Granted, I'm only a third into the second book, so things may change...but I guess I expected more from such an acclaimed dystopian series.
Researching:
~what the next step up is in roller skates, and proper wheel care. I'm thinking at this point that quality equipment might be worth the price for better performance
~gardening, container gardening for berries, and the potential of cutting into our backyard hill to make a sort of terrace for some mini fruit trees. Our small backyard is flat for a bit then goes down a hill precipitously. Our property line ends in the middle of the hill, but behind us is county land (trees). The hill area would be a little shady, but maybe we can make it work.
Plans:
~This post recital week will be spent cleaning and organizing! I wish I could figure out how to truly organize instead of just pile shifting. Things just don't have a home (or a good home) and I'm not sure how to fix that. Moving was supposed to fix that...so much for that! I have to fix it *here*.
~That being said, it's only 9:30 on the first day of our "rest week" and I'm already irritated at the lack of structure. Maybe I should rethink this.
Funny kid line from the week:
After a long silence in the car..."Mommy, those people who paint the orange lines in the middle of the road must be really tired!!"
((and just because I have to do this in order to do something on Bloglovin' .... this: Follow my blog with Bloglovin))
Thankful:
~for a great year of roller dancing/skating for the kids. This was our first year all five kids did it, and last weekend was the year end shows. They did great, and today we are happy to have nothing on the schedule so we can rest.
~great kids who held up well this weekend, considering the busy-ness and stress and one with a cold
~for my awesome dh who is so patient with me
~for Jesus in the Eucharist and my dd who will partake of the Feast for the first time soon.
Pondering:
~this documentary
~how I can maximize gardening potential on our half shady .18 acre lot, while still leaving space for kids to play. They don't go out *enough* - I can't take away their only running space.
~why I have such bad anxiety attacks on Sunday mornings, and what I can do about it
~why once I mentioned I wanted to write about giftedness, all the ideas about it left my head
~why I am so sensitive to the kids talking to me lately. The constant interruption of my thoughts is really getting to me, and it shouldn't
~how to best deal with some longstanding inter-child struggles
~how to change my love language, 'cause this one isn't working for me, lol
Learning:
~Sky finished Seton 7 last week, WOO HOO! She is relieved. Rose is half finishing up 9th grade and half moving on to the 10th grade stuff Seton helped work up for us. Hopefully in a week or two we can just dive right in to the new stuff whole heartedly. And my youngest will be in KINDERGARTEN!! How did this happen?
Reading:
~I'm leaping into this decade and finally reading the Hunger Games trilogy. I just watched the first movie on Netflix too. Now I am certainly no literary critic, but I expected more. I liked it in an "easy, candy" kind of way. Granted, I'm only a third into the second book, so things may change...but I guess I expected more from such an acclaimed dystopian series.
Researching:
~what the next step up is in roller skates, and proper wheel care. I'm thinking at this point that quality equipment might be worth the price for better performance
~gardening, container gardening for berries, and the potential of cutting into our backyard hill to make a sort of terrace for some mini fruit trees. Our small backyard is flat for a bit then goes down a hill precipitously. Our property line ends in the middle of the hill, but behind us is county land (trees). The hill area would be a little shady, but maybe we can make it work.
Plans:
~This post recital week will be spent cleaning and organizing! I wish I could figure out how to truly organize instead of just pile shifting. Things just don't have a home (or a good home) and I'm not sure how to fix that. Moving was supposed to fix that...so much for that! I have to fix it *here*.
~That being said, it's only 9:30 on the first day of our "rest week" and I'm already irritated at the lack of structure. Maybe I should rethink this.
Funny kid line from the week:
After a long silence in the car..."Mommy, those people who paint the orange lines in the middle of the road must be really tired!!"
((and just because I have to do this in order to do something on Bloglovin' .... this: Follow my blog with Bloglovin))
Apr 24, 2013
The Acorn
Sharing this because I found it, ummm....fascinating. :)
Where Fascination Leads
I especially liked her reference to Hillman's "Acorn Hypothesis".
I've been trying to figure out my "acorn" for 44 years.
Where Fascination Leads
I especially liked her reference to Hillman's "Acorn Hypothesis".
I've been trying to figure out my "acorn" for 44 years.
Apr 10, 2013
I'll start out my "gifted" thoughts
...by writing almost nothing myself and quoting another blogger's great post. Can I call myself a blogger or a writer if all I do is link and quote? :)
Erin shared a link to a new-to-me blog in the comments: Defying Gravity. In a recent post, the author Ingi states:
Do go read the whole thing. Ingi also links to other people talking about the same thing (Seth Godin commenting about how great it would be to be gifted). They cover many ideas that I was going to (or will, depending on my ever fickle mood, LOL!)
Right now I have a sick 10 year old to tend to. :(
Erin shared a link to a new-to-me blog in the comments: Defying Gravity. In a recent post, the author Ingi states:
You see, mate, it's often not great to be "gifted" (unless that gift is being a gifted swimmer or footballer, but in the case of James "the Missile" Magnusson or Ben Barba, not even then, on reflection).
It's not great to be so far to the right of the bell curve that no one "gets" you, except maybe your mum. It's not great to feel different from all your age peers. It's not great to have to deal with the expectations of being "really smart". It's not great to deal with the heightened nervous system that has you feeling everything so intensely and questioning everything so thoroughly.
And don't even get me started on exceptionally/profoundly gifted kids, twice-exceptional kids or God forbid, EG/PG 2e kids!
Do go read the whole thing. Ingi also links to other people talking about the same thing (Seth Godin commenting about how great it would be to be gifted). They cover many ideas that I was going to (or will, depending on my ever fickle mood, LOL!)
Right now I have a sick 10 year old to tend to. :(
Apr 9, 2013
Mothering and Giftedness
This is something I have avoided writing about for many reasons. One, I don't want to be seen as bragging. Two, I have a feeling it's going to come across as a flat out lie -- "what? She thinks she's gifted? Ha! I've *read* her blog!". And three, although I was in gifted programs at school, etc, I was surrounded by people who were even smarter than I was-- we're talkin' double-timing at Harvard and Julliard smart. So I feel like loser and a fake. Wait, I forgot one. Having five children and a family with various issues, combined with hormones, lack of sleep, and anemia has seriously messed with my brain. As my Dad once ( jokingly) said, "Amy, you used to be smart!" Unfortunately, all the other markers for giftedness remain. More on that later, maybe.
Now that my youngest is reaching school age and is astounding me with his math abilities, I'm realizing that in my haze from dealing with other important issues, I have been ignoring the fact that I think at least two of my kids are gifted, too. It would explain a lot about their behavior! :)
All that to say, I want to start showing the "real me" and share thoughts and articles on giftedness in adults and children. Not to brag in any shape or form, but to help other gifted moms realize they are not alone in the things they deal with. I know you are out there! I'm sure there is no lack of giftedness among my readers.
I never feel qualified to give advice, so I will be linking to other people and sharing my own personal experience instead of a how-to or strictly informational. I'm sure it will come across as inanely navel gazing, but oh well. You all know that this is my "cheaper than therapy" place to come and whine, right?
Now that my youngest is reaching school age and is astounding me with his math abilities, I'm realizing that in my haze from dealing with other important issues, I have been ignoring the fact that I think at least two of my kids are gifted, too. It would explain a lot about their behavior! :)
All that to say, I want to start showing the "real me" and share thoughts and articles on giftedness in adults and children. Not to brag in any shape or form, but to help other gifted moms realize they are not alone in the things they deal with. I know you are out there! I'm sure there is no lack of giftedness among my readers.
I never feel qualified to give advice, so I will be linking to other people and sharing my own personal experience instead of a how-to or strictly informational. I'm sure it will come across as inanely navel gazing, but oh well. You all know that this is my "cheaper than therapy" place to come and whine, right?
Apr 8, 2013
No title because...
...I can't seem to change myself to become a joiner. Today is the day people do the Simple Woman's Daybook, or Catholic Woman's Almanac, or all manner of similar things. And then every once in a while I do it too, and never even link up, and feel weird for even trying to fit in. I feel like I'm over here in the corner, half invisible and obscured, waving my hands wildly, going "look at me! look at me!! I'm doing it TOOOOOO!!!" Meanwhile, crowds are milling about, oblivious to my little show. So I finally look around, look down a little sheepishly... find a window to gaze out of and thank God for the sun and the clouds and the little bunnies that visit my yard...and go about my day. (a little more beaten down but perhaps a touch wiser)
The thing is, I love the format. Well, most of it. But apparently it's rude to steal it and not give credit, but I don't want to do it exactly like anyone else does, and I don't want to wave my arms and jump up and down in a crowded room just to be ignored.
*blush*
Anyway, all this rambling is because I found ONE thing that I wanted to share, LOL. So technically I don't even have a "daybook" or "almanac" going at all, more like a Simple Woman's Pamphlet or Catholic Woman's Paragraph. ;-)
Why don't I just drop all the "pondering, reading, thinking, eating, wearing" subtitles and just cut to the chase today - here it is, from Beth Willis Miller's Blog: (she's quoting from Experiencing God, a bible study by Henry Blackaby)
This opened my eyes to something I hadn't understood before. For way too long I have been wanting things that are apparently outside of God's will (because years and years later I still haven't gotten them). I need to start begging the Holy Spirit to delight me with the specifics of God's will, so that I can want and ask for them, and feel fulfilled and loved. I need that. I'm not yet at the place where I can simply say "Your will be done" and let life hit me like a hurricane. I need to feel like God gifted me with something specific that I wanted. Even if I only wanted it because the Holy Spirit told me God wanted me to have it.
May God bless your week abundantly!
.
The thing is, I love the format. Well, most of it. But apparently it's rude to steal it and not give credit, but I don't want to do it exactly like anyone else does, and I don't want to wave my arms and jump up and down in a crowded room just to be ignored.
*blush*
Anyway, all this rambling is because I found ONE thing that I wanted to share, LOL. So technically I don't even have a "daybook" or "almanac" going at all, more like a Simple Woman's Pamphlet or Catholic Woman's Paragraph. ;-)
Why don't I just drop all the "pondering, reading, thinking, eating, wearing" subtitles and just cut to the chase today - here it is, from Beth Willis Miller's Blog: (she's quoting from Experiencing God, a bible study by Henry Blackaby)
From Experiencing God: "For his sixth birthday, my oldest son Richard was old enough to have a bicycle. I looked all around for a bicycle. I found a blue Schwinn. I bought it and hid it in the garage. Then I had a task—to convince Richard that he needed a blue Schwinn bike. For the next little while, we began to work with Richard. Richard decided that what he really wanted for his birthday was a blue Schwinn bike. Do you know what Richard got? Well, the bike was already in the garage. I just had to convince him to ask for it. He asked for it, and he got it! What happens when you pray? The Holy Spirit knows what God has "in the garage." It is already there. The Holy Spirit's task is to get you to want it—to get you to ask for it. What will happen when you ask for things God already wants to give or do? You will always receive it. Why? Because you have asked according to the will of God. When God answers your prayer, He gets the glory and your faith is increased."
This opened my eyes to something I hadn't understood before. For way too long I have been wanting things that are apparently outside of God's will (because years and years later I still haven't gotten them). I need to start begging the Holy Spirit to delight me with the specifics of God's will, so that I can want and ask for them, and feel fulfilled and loved. I need that. I'm not yet at the place where I can simply say "Your will be done" and let life hit me like a hurricane. I need to feel like God gifted me with something specific that I wanted. Even if I only wanted it because the Holy Spirit told me God wanted me to have it.
May God bless your week abundantly!
.
Apr 2, 2013
Let's try this again
I just lost a blog post about trying new blogging app...at this rate it's going to turn into a review - a bad one! But I will hold off. My iPad has a mind of its own when it comes to just closing apps at whim.
The aftermath of our morning. Notice the lack of children available to clean it up. :-P So I'm off to go find them!
So anyway, I was saying I'm guiltily trying out this new app. Guiltily, because it cost money. Yes, I do agonize over every little purchase that isn't necessary. It doesn't help that I'm married to a man that almost *never* buys anything frivolous for himself. But the difference is he seems happy that way, where I am not. :) He's also a better big picture thinker when it comes to this stuff -- he's happy to put off today's pleasures for tomorrows goals. I am too, but there is only so much of that I can take. I need to better learn how to calm my stress without eating or spending. (She says as she sticks another mint M&M in her mouth...)
I bought the app to make it easier to take and insert pictures into my posts with our various "devices." Like this one:
I
I love the color of this yarn. It's only Lion Brand Homespun, but it's so soft and the blues make me happy (is that an oxymoron?). I don't even feel guilty about this purchase because I bought the yarn at half price AND I'm giving away most of the things I make with it. Not that I *should* feel guilty, but this way I don't even have to think twice and worry about that "fine line" between frivolous spending and good spending.
What I *do* have to worry about is the fact that I don't know how to calm my stress down lately without either eating or shopping. Eating usually wins out, or I just stay stressed.
Here's a small reason I need to destress:
The aftermath of our morning. Notice the lack of children available to clean it up. :-P So I'm off to go find them!
Hope all my blog readers that celebrate Easter had a delightful one!
P.S. the app is called BlogGo. I like it so far but there are definitely quirks that I'm not sure are my fault or theirs. I'll save a real review until I've used it a good number of times. It's better than Blogger's free app, from what I have heard.
(ETA: Thank you Sarah for alerting me to the huge problem with my post! I definitely think it had something to do with the app... :-P )
Mar 31, 2013
Catholic Woman's Almanac
Thanking God for:
~Easter! It's hard to top that this week. For giving His Son for us. And that Lent is over. :)
~my dh's smile. Brightens my every day.
~That no one had a fit this morning even though half their Easter toys broke within a few minutes (thanks a lot, Dollar Tree! LOL)
~ For the lady from chuch who stopped me in the supermarket to say hi and tell me what a beautiful family I had. Actually, for all the people at the supermarket that morning...it was like the twilight zone, everyone was SO NICE and helpful.
~ For the lady from chuch who stopped me in the supermarket to say hi and tell me what a beautiful family I had. Actually, for all the people at the supermarket that morning...it was like the twilight zone, everyone was SO NICE and helpful.
Reading:
Lesson plans, lesson plans, lesson plans. More on that later.
Pondering:
Being more scheduled. Along with the relaxed learning came relaxed everything else. :-P I should like it, but instead it drives me crazy. Especially how it almost forces the kids to always be asking for things, because they don't know what is coming up next. "Can I have this? Can I do that?" x5 all day long. Two kids eating a snack then the rest of them trickling in asking for snack for the next hour. Times several meals times 5 kids... all day long. I think I'm done. It will be harder with two distinct age groups - maturity wise I have two teens, who I think should not be held as strictly to a schedule as the younger crew, and 3 "littles" -- but hopefully we'll work something out.
Praying:
For my neighbor who recently lost her husband only several days after being diagnosed with cancer.
For our parish that is going through some troubles.
Learning: We signed everyone but the rising kindergartener up for Seton. (!) Not what I ever thought I would be doing when I first fell in love with a more literature rich approach. But box day is still box day, and getting boxes of new books last week was still exciting! Now I'm comb binding all the lesson plans (because I hate three ring binders, lol) and trying to figure out how to make it all work. If someone would have told me 5 years ago that we would still be living in this house and all doing Seton, I would have said they were crazy. (And then cried, LOL!) But I feel strangely at peace, about school at least.
Creating:
Another shawl/lap blanket for our church's Prayer Shawl ministry. Mindless and about as intricate as I can accomplish right now. Single crochet there and back, there and back...
Waiting For:
Sunshine. Seriously, where is it??? It's been a looooooooooong winter.
Wearing:
3/4 sleeve T-shirt, yoga pants, sweater. I couldn't stand the sheath dress/boots/spanx any longer. ;-)
Listening:
I've spent the last 18 years listening to alternative rock (my dh's favorite) then almost exclusively Christian and/or classical music, because I always had "little ears" listening in, in the house or car. I liked it, but it wasn't my heart, my soul. My dh bought me all 10 Led Zeppelin discs for my recent birthday. Now I'm listening to it every waking moment. Really, because even when it's not on, or I'm listening to *other* music, I've got a LZ tune in my head. It's surreal.
Captured:
Mar 28, 2013
Creativity and Radical Generosity
Dear Jennifer from As Cozy As Spring has asked to discuss a topic I couldn't manage in just the combox - the fine line between spending time and money on creativity vs. being "radically" generous to God's poor. I put radically in quotes because while *I* don't think it's preposterous to give all you own to the poor to follow Christ, most people do, even today's Christians.
Quoting form Jenn's blog:
throw a bunch of random thoughts at you try to stick with the parts I have been thinking about lately, and hope it gels together with each of your own personal situations. (I may use "you" throughout this post, Jenn, but I don't mean only you in particular... really anyone reading who wants to get something out of this.) I also went a little off topic and ventured into some ideas generated by people who commented on Jenn's post.
I think this topic begs the question of just WHO are we listening to when those voices of "You are not doing enough!" are yelling in our heads. "You are not giving enough to the poor! You are not spending enough time with your children! And even if you are spending every waking moment and much of your nighttime caring for your kids, it's not enough, it must be QUALITY time! Go! Now!!"
Ugh.
I recently shared something on Facebook. It said "God's voice: stills you, leads you, reassures you, enlightens you, encourages you, comforts you, calms you, convicts you.
Satan's voice: rushes you, pushes you, frightens you, confuses you, discourages you, worries you, obsesses you, condemns you." This has been very helpful for me lately. We should be giving of our time and money out of love. If we don't it is just the clashing cymbal, meaning nothing. If we are giving to quell the condemning, frightening voices or out of obligation, while even that money helps the poor, it isn't helping our souls.
What it helps me to do in any situation, not just when it comes to giving my time and money, is ask myself, "Knowing what I know, what is the *most loving* decision for right now. Go with the love." Keeping in mind that my first obligation is to my family and my own soul. Sometimes it is giving that $10 I was going to spend on myself to charity. And sometimes, because I know how weak and overwhelmed I am most of the time, the most loving thing is doing something that feeds me, so that I stop snapping at my kids.
If it's simply being creative that is necessary, do it out of love and/or *for* charity. Sarah wrote a great piece recently on creativity as service and vice versa. . She really expresses much of what I feel on that.
I know I begin comparing the price of nice hand knit sweater with the cheapest I could get at Walmart. In my mind I think I should save that money (for the poor or not)... but that is comparing apples and oranges! Yes good yarn (for example) is expensive -- but it's just what things cost! We are so stuck on getting the cheapest thing, saving the MOST money -- but much of what is cheap to us is cheap because we exploit people in third world countries to get it that way. Fair trade is more expensive - so compare "fair trade sweater" with your hand knit sweater and it is probably more equal. And cheap is often uncomfortable or just wears out more quickly. You can still try to get the best deal on the good stuff so as to not "waste" the money, but it's not sinful to spend X dollars on comfortable yarn instead of $(X-3) on scratchy yarn. There's a time for hairshirts and it's not on your precious baby! :)
If it's a time issue, "Oh no, my kids are needy and I'm taking time away from them!" At no time in history until very recently were women expected to give 100% of time to their children without taking time out to create. Yes, much of it was necessary, but it WAS creative. Yes, there are seasons - a fussy infant needs lots of time, day and night. I think modern homeschooling moms are already giving SO SO SO much more than anyone but perhaps a nun working in the slums...and often doing it very alone. This is not good or easy. (I"m not saying YOU are not right for doing it, but it's not "healthy"). Backtracking a bit, have you ever seen the schedule of the Missonaries of Charity? I got this from the Conversion Diary blog:
I think in modern day America, at least where I live, you MUST take time for yourself because no one else is caring for you or with you. The neighbors are all at work, the mother or grandmother doesn't live with or even near you, etc. I think in the past or in other countries it was much more of a give and take, which was nurturing and necessary for many women. Even the nuns, for example, who give up ALL to serve Christ gain much - camaraderie, the protection of the order, a spiritual director, a mother superior looking out for her health and welfare, etc -- checks and balances. A modern day mother who gave up everything would have...nothing?
I think we take that ONE line in scripture where Jesus asked the rich young man to give all and follow him and perhaps turn it into something it's not meant to be. Although I'm not sure about this one yet. Just something I think about. Like how first God said "tithe" - then later He says "give it all." I think it's a process...something to work towards. It could also be that particular man's calling/vocation. We are not ALL called to be nuns/priests who take vows of poverty. We each have a state in life that it is OK to live up to in simplicity and charity. I don't know how right it is to make my family live a certain way because *I* want to be generous. They have the right to live appropriately to their state of life also. (read Happy Are You Poor by Fr. Dubay for a great run down on all this).
When overwhelmed I try to look back even just a few hundred years ago when the people you knew about would be 99% only the people you had around you. TV and internet has put all 7 billion people right in our living room, and all their thousands of different kinds of problem. It is overwhelming and I don't think God designed us for that, again, especially generally alone. So I hole up, and worry about my family and people God puts in my path. It's not love to give $1K to some faceless charity and then snap at my kids all day because I'm overwhelmed and un-nurtured. So thinking about my own kitchen cabinets (which sound even worse than yours, Jennifer! :) ) , I do want something nice for my family. I won't buy the most expensive cabinets, but I will get well made and functional, not "cheapest". My family lives HERE our friends live here. My family should be able to live in a place comparable (but not lavish) compared to those around them. This just makes the most loving and logical sense to me. *IF* I could get away with a nice coat of paint to make them nice again, I would. But my cabinets are beyond that (and some are broken) so it is time to fix and make new. *IF* I could create them more cheaply myself I would, but I am not a carpenter so I pay a carpenter who also has to make a living. I believe in simple yet comparable to my state in life. (This is not to say I don't agonize over every little decision like this. I do.)
Somewhat tangentially related, I think it was in Kisses From Katie that I read something akin to, "If everyone who says they are a Christian would take care of ONE poor child, there would be no poor children in the world anymore." That reminds me that my job is not to care for ALL the poor people all at once. It is not ALL on my shoulders like it feels sometimes. I know I personally tend to feel crushed by that, but that's not right either. Like the "God vs. Devil" thing I posted above, the Holy Spirits thoughts to me would not be crushing and overwhelming.
Was it Mother Teresa who said what the poor need most is love, not a hand out? Somehow this is related to what I'm saying, lol. Can't quite articulate how. :)
When all is said and done, I think if we make sure we are listening to GOD's voice in our hearts, we may feel nurtured and loved enough to BE radical and sell the awesome camera lens and give the money to charity. But it's a process, and sometimes a slow one. Love yourself through it.
And if I'm wrong on any of this I pray that God enlightens my mind. The last thing I want to do is lead people astray.
Quoting form Jenn's blog:
"This may not have bugged me as much had Pope Francis not spotlighted the Christian role in caring for the poor as he has. I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the DSLR and the fancy yarn. But God does gift individuals with creative spirit and to what extent do we nurture that? Is creativity a gift or a luxury? At what point does creativity and the pursuit of beauty or expression become an idol?"I don't think I can do justice to the depth of her questions, so I'm going to
I think this topic begs the question of just WHO are we listening to when those voices of "You are not doing enough!" are yelling in our heads. "You are not giving enough to the poor! You are not spending enough time with your children! And even if you are spending every waking moment and much of your nighttime caring for your kids, it's not enough, it must be QUALITY time! Go! Now!!"
Ugh.
I recently shared something on Facebook. It said "God's voice: stills you, leads you, reassures you, enlightens you, encourages you, comforts you, calms you, convicts you.
Satan's voice: rushes you, pushes you, frightens you, confuses you, discourages you, worries you, obsesses you, condemns you." This has been very helpful for me lately. We should be giving of our time and money out of love. If we don't it is just the clashing cymbal, meaning nothing. If we are giving to quell the condemning, frightening voices or out of obligation, while even that money helps the poor, it isn't helping our souls.
What it helps me to do in any situation, not just when it comes to giving my time and money, is ask myself, "Knowing what I know, what is the *most loving* decision for right now. Go with the love." Keeping in mind that my first obligation is to my family and my own soul. Sometimes it is giving that $10 I was going to spend on myself to charity. And sometimes, because I know how weak and overwhelmed I am most of the time, the most loving thing is doing something that feeds me, so that I stop snapping at my kids.
If it's simply being creative that is necessary, do it out of love and/or *for* charity. Sarah wrote a great piece recently on creativity as service and vice versa. . She really expresses much of what I feel on that.
I know I begin comparing the price of nice hand knit sweater with the cheapest I could get at Walmart. In my mind I think I should save that money (for the poor or not)... but that is comparing apples and oranges! Yes good yarn (for example) is expensive -- but it's just what things cost! We are so stuck on getting the cheapest thing, saving the MOST money -- but much of what is cheap to us is cheap because we exploit people in third world countries to get it that way. Fair trade is more expensive - so compare "fair trade sweater" with your hand knit sweater and it is probably more equal. And cheap is often uncomfortable or just wears out more quickly. You can still try to get the best deal on the good stuff so as to not "waste" the money, but it's not sinful to spend X dollars on comfortable yarn instead of $(X-3) on scratchy yarn. There's a time for hairshirts and it's not on your precious baby! :)
If it's a time issue, "Oh no, my kids are needy and I'm taking time away from them!" At no time in history until very recently were women expected to give 100% of time to their children without taking time out to create. Yes, much of it was necessary, but it WAS creative. Yes, there are seasons - a fussy infant needs lots of time, day and night. I think modern homeschooling moms are already giving SO SO SO much more than anyone but perhaps a nun working in the slums...and often doing it very alone. This is not good or easy. (I"m not saying YOU are not right for doing it, but it's not "healthy"). Backtracking a bit, have you ever seen the schedule of the Missonaries of Charity? I got this from the Conversion Diary blog:
Daily Schedule for the Missionaries of Charity
4:30-5:00 Rise and get cleaned up
5:00-6:30 Prayers and Mass
6:30-8:00 Breakfast and cleanup
8:00-12:30 Work for the poor
5:00-6:30 Prayers and Mass
6:30-8:00 Breakfast and cleanup
8:00-12:30 Work for the poor
12:30-2:30 Lunch and rest
2:30-3:00 Spiritual reading and meditation
3:00-3:15 Tea break
3:15-4:30 Adoration
4:30-7:30 Work for the poor
2:30-3:00 Spiritual reading and meditation
3:00-3:15 Tea break
3:15-4:30 Adoration
4:30-7:30 Work for the poor
7:30-9:00 Dinner and clean up
9:00-9:45 Night prayers
9:45 Bedtime
9:00-9:45 Night prayers
9:45 Bedtime
That's 7.5 hours for serving and the rest for hygiene, eating, resting, reading, praying. It's even broken up and balanced throughout the day. And this is the Missionaries of Charity! During the baby/toddler plus homeschooling years, my serving NEVER ENDED DAY AND NIGHT. It's not healthy, especially doing it alone like so many of us do (no extended family or servants).
I'm reminded of the story of women in a third world country who were given some new contraption that was supposed to make their lives easier by taking some chore of theirs that took 3 hours and knocking it down to 30 minutes (or some such, I don't remember the details, only the outcome). They tried it and then went back to their old way, stating that the time that they did X was the time they sat and talked together, and with the new contraption they didn't do that anymore. It wasn't worth it. I think we see the world through our first world "Rush Rush Compete Compete Produce Produce" eyes and it colors everything we do. It doesn't make it right, or moral, or just. Jesus said to love one another, not be productive. So taking time (and therefore some money) out to be creative is OK when done in love, of yourself and neighbor. Jesus said to love others as yourself, not "kill yourself in overworkingness in some misguided notion that you must do everything for everyone and only YOU can solve the worlds poor people crisis."
I think we take that ONE line in scripture where Jesus asked the rich young man to give all and follow him and perhaps turn it into something it's not meant to be. Although I'm not sure about this one yet. Just something I think about. Like how first God said "tithe" - then later He says "give it all." I think it's a process...something to work towards. It could also be that particular man's calling/vocation. We are not ALL called to be nuns/priests who take vows of poverty. We each have a state in life that it is OK to live up to in simplicity and charity. I don't know how right it is to make my family live a certain way because *I* want to be generous. They have the right to live appropriately to their state of life also. (read Happy Are You Poor by Fr. Dubay for a great run down on all this).
When overwhelmed I try to look back even just a few hundred years ago when the people you knew about would be 99% only the people you had around you. TV and internet has put all 7 billion people right in our living room, and all their thousands of different kinds of problem. It is overwhelming and I don't think God designed us for that, again, especially generally alone. So I hole up, and worry about my family and people God puts in my path. It's not love to give $1K to some faceless charity and then snap at my kids all day because I'm overwhelmed and un-nurtured. So thinking about my own kitchen cabinets (which sound even worse than yours, Jennifer! :) ) , I do want something nice for my family. I won't buy the most expensive cabinets, but I will get well made and functional, not "cheapest". My family lives HERE our friends live here. My family should be able to live in a place comparable (but not lavish) compared to those around them. This just makes the most loving and logical sense to me. *IF* I could get away with a nice coat of paint to make them nice again, I would. But my cabinets are beyond that (and some are broken) so it is time to fix and make new. *IF* I could create them more cheaply myself I would, but I am not a carpenter so I pay a carpenter who also has to make a living. I believe in simple yet comparable to my state in life. (This is not to say I don't agonize over every little decision like this. I do.)
Was it Mother Teresa who said what the poor need most is love, not a hand out? Somehow this is related to what I'm saying, lol. Can't quite articulate how. :)
When all is said and done, I think if we make sure we are listening to GOD's voice in our hearts, we may feel nurtured and loved enough to BE radical and sell the awesome camera lens and give the money to charity. But it's a process, and sometimes a slow one. Love yourself through it.
And if I'm wrong on any of this I pray that God enlightens my mind. The last thing I want to do is lead people astray.
Mar 25, 2013
Finally
A quick post to share that I finally finished a little lap blanket that was supposed to be a huge quilt. I knew my "project eyes" were bigger than my ability to stomach all that crafting, as usual (ummm, wallpaper stripped in my kitchen for, gulp, a year without being repainted, anyone?) So I turned it into a lap blanket and finished it off this weekend. I did not block it. (See above comment. It ain't happenin'.) Jennifer shared the pattern ages ago.
Without further ado, because this won't even get posted if I don't just hurry up already, here it is.
The picture seems a little washed out color-wise, but you get the idea.
I'm off to help the kids enjoy some spring snow!
Without further ado, because this won't even get posted if I don't just hurry up already, here it is.
The picture seems a little washed out color-wise, but you get the idea.
I'm off to help the kids enjoy some spring snow!
Mar 10, 2013
Sorry
I apologize to any of my feed reader readers :) that got a bunch of old content from me in their feeds. I was trying to move posts from my old blog, Epiphany Springs, into this one and they had to 'republish'.
Hope the USAers are enjoying another hour of daylight tonight!
Hope the USAers are enjoying another hour of daylight tonight!
Feb 15, 2013
Strength
From The Little Flower by Mary Fabyan Windeatt (written from the point of view of St. Therese of Lisieux as a young teen):
Dear Lord in Heaven, and all your angels and saints, pray that I understand this too!
Marie had left us on October 15 for the Carmelite monastery. A few weeks later Our Lord worked the miracle I had desired so much. Early on Christmas morning, after I had received Him in Holy Communion at Midnight Mass, I realized many things which I had never thought of before. I saw God as a little child, seemingly weak, yet holding in His hands the power to rule the universe. He had taken to Himself human flesh and blood, thereby elevating the whole human race so that it shared in His strength. In an instant He let me see that I was meant to use my share of that strength, not to doubt it. By myself I was a creature of tears and sighs and complaints, but with Christ as a brother I possessed courage beyond my wildest dreams.
Dear Lord in Heaven, and all your angels and saints, pray that I understand this too!
Feb 14, 2013
Well, Maybe a Little
As a mom of four daughters, I thought I would share this awesome post:
I'm Not Afraid to Raise Daughters
I am *so blessed* to have the daughters I have. They are oh SO very human, not perfect, and that is what makes them awesome and worthy of my love. They just *are*.
I'm Not Afraid to Raise Daughters
I am *so blessed* to have the daughters I have. They are oh SO very human, not perfect, and that is what makes them awesome and worthy of my love. They just *are*.
Feb 8, 2013
The Creative Mind
Thanks to Kate at An Intense Life for the following quote from Pearl S. Buck:
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him… a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create – - – so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.
Pearl S. Buck
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him… a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create – - – so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.
Pearl S. Buck
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